New Short Story Up: "The Collector (or, Google It)"

Hello all you interwebz peoples.  I'm pleased to announce that my most recent story "The Collector (or, Google It)" is now up on Wily Writers. (hooray)

They’re mentioning my name in the same breath as H.P. Lovecraft again... :)

I had a lot of fun writing this story, so I'm happy that it's been published for you kids to enjoy.

Let this encourage all of you who are slogging it out on the submission marathon: just keep submitting and keep writing!

Wily Writers is a doubly cool site because you can not only read the story online, you can listen to the audiobook version read by the delightfully expressive Nathan Crowder. (Download the .mp3 and slap that file on your iPod to show everyone how cool you are...)

This story also features a few inside Illiterati jokes, such as Ryan Bridger's "Psycho-to-Hot Ratio" and a few others.

After you read it, please leave a shoutout on the Wily Writers website (or here, or both).

Read it here: http://www.wilywriters.com/blog/?p=2792

A Krampus Christmas

Okely dokely boys and girls. It’s Christmas time and I’m getting ready to get back into the recording studio to finish this album (there’s nothing better than a warm recording studio when it’s cold outside.) But before you think I didn’t get you anything for Christmas, let me stop you with a soft shushing sound and a frowning shake of my head.

I wouldn’t forget you, no I wouldn’t. See how thoughtful I am? How like the image of a gentleman scholar you have in your head. (Unless the words ‘gentleman scholar’ inexplicably make you think of Hannibal Lecter.)

Anyhow, now that you think I’m so magnanimous, allow me to let a little air out.

I only got you something if you own a Kindle.

And you have to pay .99 cents.

But hear me out first, you WANT to spend this .99 cents. Really, I’m doing you a favor by telling you to spend this near buck.

Here’s what I want you to do: buy the Shock Totem HolidayTales of the Macabre and Twisted 2011

Simple, right?

Why should you buy it? Two great reasons and then a bunch of other good reasons.

Reason 1: you get to read “A Krampus Christmas” by none other than Illiterati member Ryan Bridger (aka Battle Bunny)

Reason 2: you get to read “Heartless” by Illiterati member Merceded M. Yardley

That’s right, TWO members of my infamous estimable writer’s group are featured in this issue.

So what are you waiting for, an invitation? Get off your lazy duff and have an awesome book filled with holiday havoc beamed directly to your Kindle.

Do it now or the Krampus will get you...

Dominating World Fantasy Con 2011

So, this year my whole crazy writing group, The Illiterati, decided to gang up on World Fantasy Convention in San Diego.

Aside from the fact that Battle Bunny FAILED to get tickets in time (an oversight which he will not be allowed to forget) the rest of us are carpooling down to unleash our particular brand of insanity on unsuspecting convention goers.

And in the tradition of things being crazy, two of us have been asked to sit on panels whilst at World Fantasy Convention. Rock.

I'll be talking about H.P. Lovecraft and the Horrors of the Sea on Friday at 1pm, with fellow panelists Christopher Farnsworth, Cody Goodfellow(M), Rain Graves, S. T. Joshi.

And on Saturday Mercedes M. Yardley will be joining Holly Black, Jenny Blackford, Patrick Rothfuss, and Delia Sherman to examine faeries as they have historically been known--that is, as creatures of fear and danger, not cutsie little kissers-of-flowers.

So, if you are hitting up WFC, you can either join us or walk the plank. (But if you join us we're nice pirates... with cookies and many inside jokes that you can laugh at after a brief initiation period too...)

KillerCon 3: The New Convention on the Block

Now it’s time for my much belated recap of KillerCon 3, an exciting new convention catering to horror and dark fiction held right here in Las Vegas, NV.
As to being belated, my poor computer was raped by a computer virus the day after the convention.

Those pictures of your mom were so not worth it.

Luckily I backup regularly (if you don’t, start NOW) but it still meant a few days downtime while I wiped the hard drive and reinstalled the OS. Fun!

But what was fun was KillerCon.

KillerCon exists because a small group of hyper dedicated people like Wrath James White, R.J. Cavender, Boyd Harris, Bailey Hunter and crew at Cutting Block Press decided that Las Vegas needs a convention, dangit! (ok, so maybe that wasn’t the reason they began KillerCon, but I’m sticking to it). These dudes and dudettes know how to make things happen.


Mercedes and I furiously trying to outwrite each other in the Creative Writing Contest
(She won... "I'll get you next time Gadget!")

Only in its third year, KillerCon in some ways shows its age—or youth—by being somewhat small and loosely organized. But far from being a distraction or detraction, those very qualities lent itself a real sense of bonhomie among the crowd of writers.

In between panels and readings and mass book signings, these veteran writers were casually rubbing elbows with us n00bs, offering us good advice and just being plain ole wonderful people.

I don’t know what the attendance numbers were for the entire weekend, but I can say that I generally saw a good 25-40 people mixing freely in the hospitality room where well-established writers—such as Jack Ketchum, Mort Castle, John Skipp, Ray Garton, Weston Ochse, Jonathan Maberry, Robert Devereaux, Jeff Mariotte and Edward Lee—connected and invested in writers just starting their careers.

In fact, it was Señor Mort Castle who really made an impact on me with his bottomless passion for writers. I mean, this guy loves writers—they energize him! After Mort did an intimate and intense two-day writers’ workshop I cornered him and pestered him with all sorts of questions about the craft—and he never flagged.



Mort Castle, Honorary Member of The Illiterati

 For that, Mort Castle has earned my respect, and the respect of the other Illiterati members who were in attendance, granting him the envious title of: “Honorary Member of the Illiterati.”

Speaking of the Illiterati, our very own Mercedes M. Yardley won 1st place in the absolutely crazy Creative Writing contest. We had 15 minutes to write a short story which had to include a list of inane words chosen by the cruel-hearted judges (OK, so it wasn’t as bad as last year where one of the words was calzone, but “chartreuse?” come on…)

KillerCon is a young convention, and suffers from the usual growing pains such as occasional chaos and “Where’d all those name badges go?” syndrome. But let me tell you, I’d take a little disarray if the pay-off is solid connections with quality writers and editors/publishers.

So, overall, KillerCon might not be the largest or most well-known horror/dark fiction writers’ convention, but you just watch next year, and the year to come. Good things are in store.

A special (alphabetical) thanks to my new friends:
Leah Anderson and Vincent Daemon of “Grave Demand” http://gravedemand.com/
Steven Booth http://www.geniuspublish.com/
Christopher Boyle
Mort Castle
R.J. Cavender
Eddie Coulter (look, dolphins!)
Misty Dahl http://mistydahl.com/
Robert Devereaux
Brad C. Hodson http://bradhodson.wordpress.com/
Bailey Hunter
Laura J. Hickman
Chris Marrs
Jason S. Reinhardt
Wrath James White
Rhonda Wilson of Monster Librarian http://www.monsterlibrarian.com/
(Forgive me if I missed someone, I’m still recovering!)

(Also, if I missed your link, let me know in the comments!)

Rabbits and Catapults

Once again my blog is a repository for inane inside jokes.

Battle Bunny, one of the members of our infamous writers' group The Illiterati, failed to secure tickets to World Fantasy Convention 2011. Everyone else in the group got their tickets.

Battle Bunny did not.

To commemorate this tragic event I created this.

Photoshop you are my friend.

Why My Writers' Group Rulez

When one of our members (Mercedes M. Yardley) needs a writerly kick in the proverbial pants, who's there to put their boots on?

The Illiterati, that's who:

http://abrokenlaptop.com/2011/02/16/bust-it-out/

You can be sure we are awesome. They should bottle our sweat and use it to fight fires, because everyone knows forest fires yield to awesomeness.

In Which My Writers Group is Extolled (and compared to Voltron)

So last night The Illiterati got together to talk writing and critique stuff. We also played video games.

Having a good group of writers to bounce things off of is amazing. A-mazing. You could sit in class and learn all the deft little rules about writing, but does anyone still believe that learning the rules is what makes you write compelling and meaningful words?

In a group, you're not just speaking words into an empty chamber, you are immersed together.
Their eyes and their hearts are the litmus tests for the power of your words.

Plus they tell you when you wrapped up a story too quickly. Or when you used too many adverbs. *slash!
But taking critique is hard. We feel defensive about our writing.. and honestly sometimes a member of a critique group just doesn't "get" something we wrote.

But when you LOVE the people in your group... well, that's beyond awesome. Your words are in a safe place under their editorial red pens, their critiques are meaningful--even if you don't always agree--because you know that they believe in your work, want to see you at the top of your game, and are pushing you ahead with all their editorial might along the writer's journey.

Of course, The Illiterati have one other advantage: together we form Voltron.

In short, get thee to a critique group/writers group!

A good group is worth its weight in some form of precious commodity.

Also, check out Mercedes breakdown of last night's fury: http://abrokenlaptop.com/2010/11/10/in-which-our-group-plays-silent-hill-2/

Need help starting or finding a group?

Contact me!

P.s. I almost added "fulsomely" to the title of this blog post until I recalled that the word means offensively and insincerely flattering. What a strange morphology. Sounds like an innocuous word, but nooooooo, it's a tricksie negative. Like calling someone who talks too much a macrologist.

Stop Twittering About It and WRITE

Ask anyone to whom I ever talk writing and they'll tell you that I get a little crazy-eyed.

I'm a bit of an instigator. Mostly I instigate more writing. Sometimes I instigate things like the following photograph.



Back Row, Left - Right: Mason Ian, Mercedes M. Yardley, Hollan Johnson, billie "the girl" bundschuh
Front Row, with intense eyes and a sparkly tank-top of sparkliness: Battle Bunny



I'll let you look at that picture a moment longer.

Yes, I was responsible for that. These are the sorts of antics we get up to at our writers group.

The Illiterati, if you're not one of us, you've never experienced... well... just look at that photo again.

Anyhow, I'm an instigator. But more than that, I've discovered that I'm a motivator. I want to see people live their dream of becoming a writer. It excites me when I talk to other writers.

One of the things I'm always getting crazy-eyed about is: "If you want to be a writer, you've gotta write."

Sounds simple, but I can't tell you how many people I've heard say something along the lines of: "Oh, I'm a writer too, but I don't really have time to write. I used to write in high school, and my mom says it was really good. I'm just waiting until I have more time. I've been working on this novel for 10 years now. I've got a few chapters kinda done."

Among all of this I want to ask them how they have the audacity to call themselves writers.

See, writers write. NOW. Not, they used to write. Not they're thinking of writing, or telling everyone on Twitter or facebook that they write. THEY WRITE. Nothing can stop them from writing. They'd use a sharpened toothbrush and their blood for ink if they had to.

We're not talking about literary merit. That's something for the critics to argue. We're just saying, writers write. It may be dross, it may be plotless and full of Mary Sue characters, but it's been written!

*ahem. I just caught myself ranting. See? There's the proof of my crazy-eyed passion about motivating people to write.

So it was a fun treat to have my craziness quoted over at "Musings of a Scattered Mind" a blog by new friend and self-described geek chick going by the Twitter handle: Asheyna.

Let me finish by saying this: Writers write. They can talk about writing, blog about it, dream about it, and twitter about it. But they also do it.

If ever you find yourself doing more talking, blogging, dreaming or twittering about writing than actual writing, you might want to consider how serious you are about being a writer.

Also you can never ever ever complain about not having the time to write. I bet some of you would weep and gnash your teeth if you compared word-count between twitter and your WIP, or blogging and your still-unfinish-novel.

Do I walk the walk?

Heck yeah, once I click submit I'm turning off the internet and writing. Booyah!

The Entourage of Awesome

Can't resist. You know who you are...

Nina Williams and Battle Bunny form: The Entourage.

nuff said.

Inside Jokes Are Fun #243 - Battle Bunny

My critique supergroup, The Illiterati, are a bunch of oddball pop-culture misfits and I'd have it no other way.

That's the only explanation you're gonna get for what happens next...

Battle Bunny