Friday Funny: Guy on a Buffalo

There are a few things in this world which you would be a lesser person for having never seen.

I desire to bring these gems of majesty to you. The internet is a vast place of great waste-itude, all the awesome doesn't just fall into your lap. That is, unless you subscribe to this blog.

So, without any further ado, watch Guy on a Buffalo. (this goes out to Mercedes M. Yardley)

 

KillerCon 2012 Debriefed

So this year I got to be the official Volunteer Wrangler at KillerCon 4 (2012) writer's convention held here in Las Vegas, NV.

First, the good stuff: I won the 2012 KillerCon Creative Fiction Contest. Yowzah. I was up against some stiff competition, and the judges were all world class authors and editors (including Mr. Jack Ketchum and Grammar Girl Mignon Fogarty).

And it was very great to hang out with so many talented and incredibly delightful writers, many of whom I’ve met several times over the past few years of convention going as a professional writer. Seriously, everyone thinks that horror writers must be maladroit and grim all the time, but I find them to be the most wonderfully-odd-in-the-right-way sorts. We’re all a little weird around here. But delightfully so.

Speaking of weird, it was really awesome to meet the whole crew of Shock Totem. Those cats get A++ in raditude.

My writers' group, the Illiterati, and our baby

And certainly not the least of the awesome of KillerCon weekend was the release of my dear friend Mercedes M. Yardley’s first book, BEAUTIFUL SORROWS. You need to buy it now, because the first run already sold out. Yes it’s that good. Possibly one of my favorite stories ever is in it (“Luna e Volk”).

Now for some of the bad: That darn Stratosphere really made life difficult. The hospitality suite was as far from the convention across the hotel as humanly possible. And you’d think they’d populate the rooms surrounding the “party room” with KillerCon attendees, right? No, they booked them with normal guests who actually wanted to sleep at 2am in Las Vegas. The audacity.

And then there was the outright odd. I had no room. That would not normally be a problem because my house is about 15 minutes away. But I kept forgetting I didn’t have the car. So I couch surfed the whole time. No, I am only telling half the truth. I had to share a bed with my new friend (very close friends now, thank you very much) Matt C. He was a gentleman and didn’t inadvertently snuggle me. I don’t think.

But, what I am thinking would make next year’s KillerCon level up is 1) a better venue. 2) Having more interesting panels and running them two at a time with one Keynote panel in a large room towards end of day. Oh, and 3) having a designated "dinner break" hour. People are sheep, we like being told "go eat now, you have an hour".

Those are my suggestions. Oh, and 4) showgirls.

Yes, I'm big beardin it. Take a closer look, go on... touch it, I dare you.

 

Take the I out of 1st person

Ok, firstly, there is nothing wrong with novels or stories written in 1^st person.

But recently I read a book in 1^st person that made me feel the whole time as if the action was in slow-motion as I waited for the main character to narrate what was happening.

The cool premise of the book was killed by removing me from the immediacy of the action through an effect I oh-so-recently called “telescoping”*. (I’m sure some literary professor type knows the real word for it, but I stick to “telescoping”)

* In fact we had a rescue from Hollan, who is said literary professor type, who corrected my totally subjective term "telescoping". The correct term is FILTERING folks, filtering. This post has been edited to remove my egregious misuse of astronomical terminology.

Action should be IN YOUR FACE!

Filtering is when the action happening RIGHT NOW is filtered through the narrator needlessly distancing me, the reader, from the action. (Author intrusion also can fall into the realm of filtering)

Sure sometimes you may deliberately want distance in 1^st person. It can lend a certain cold detachment to certain scenes, or even allow the character to show their bias or coloration of events.

But regardless whether it’s 1^st person, 3^rd person close, or even 3^rd person omniscient, I personally want to feel like the events are happing right here, right now. Not over there to some guy who keeps getting in the way of the narrative. (There’s nothing worse than a narrator who gets in the way of the actual narration!)

Here is my totally heavy-handed and off the top of my head example of filtering.

Filtered 1st person	Immediate 1st person
As I ran down Ventura Boulevard, I could tell that things had gone from bad to worse. I noticed that my stitches had come undone and felt the blood run down my back. I could hear guns roaring all around me and when I looked back I saw the zombies at the far end of the street still coming. Why’d the world have to end in zombies? I thought to myself. I kept running.	As I ran down Ventura Boulevard, things went from bad to worse. My stitches came undone and the blood ran down my back. Guns were roaring all around me yet the zombies far down at the east end of the street kept coming. Why’d the world have to end in zombies? I kept running.

When an author is filtering in 1^st person, the narrator creates distance by “feeling, or noticing, or perceiving that the action is happening” instead of the action just happening.

Am I right here, or am I crazy-cakes?

Review of THE WEIRD

Hey kids, you want the inside scoop? Head on over to Innsmouth Free Press to read my review of THE WEIRD, an awesome anthology edited by Ann and Jeff VanderMeer:

( http://www.innsmouthfreepress.com/blog/?p=18465 )













I'll be back when I'm less busy changing diapers and leveling up my Demon Hunter on Diablo III.

Go See Prometheus (and Stay In School)

You know those nerdlings who line up at the movie theater hours and hours in advance to see the latest bit of sci-fi or fantasy cinema geekery?

I was one of those people this past thursday night for the opening night of Ridley Scott's new flick, PROMETHEUS. (Me and therest of my writers group The Illiterati!)

My verdict: If you like either of the first two Alien movies, or want to see space ships blow up and people get torched by flamethrowers and creepy oozing things causing general havoc... then go see this movie.

If you are more interested in having pretentious discontent because it isn't a clone of Alien (or because you just feel that pretentious discontent is the socially required response for anything that has any sort of hype surrounding it) then go back to your caves with noses in the air.

That being said, one thing that has threatened to eclipse the epicness that is PROMETHEUS was this bit of sic signage made by a theater employee.

Stay in school, kids.

THE WEIRD

Folks, it's been a wonderfully busy month. I've been writing, I've been preparing for Bundling #3, I've been helping build a recording studio, I've been playing Diablo II because I can't afford Diablo III.

Like I said, a busy month.

But let me tell you just a little about a book I'll be reviewing for Innsmouth Free Press.

THE WEIRD, A Compendium of Strange and Dark Stories, edited by Ann and Jeff VanderMeer is everything I ever dreamed it would be.

I can't tell all of the super sekrit details yet, but here's a picture of me working hard on my review. And, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand weird words.

Reading "The Dissection" by Georg Heym
in THE WEIRD ed. Ann & Jeff VanderMeer

New Story: None of Which Was In the Report

I want you to read something. No, not this blog. Well, actually yes this blog. But after you read this blog I have something for you to read.

Allow me to inform you, my intrepid reader(s) that you can read my brand new story "None of Which Was In the Report" online, right now, with your eyes, on the digital device you are staring at this minute.

You might think that amazing technology allows me to share this story with you. But you'd be wrong. The majesty of my beard (see below) grants me this power, in league with the machinations of the ever wily Misty Dahl. (Fraternity of Flash)

See, majestic ain't it?

So what are you waiting for, go read "None of Which Was In the Report" ya lazy bum.

For my Academy speech I intend to thank Sam Raimi and Terry Pratchett, which I think you will find apropos upon reading my quirky little story.