New Story: None of Which Was In the Report

I want you to read something. No, not this blog. Well, actually yes this blog. But after you read this blog I have something for you to read.

Allow me to inform you, my intrepid reader(s) that you can read my brand new story "None of Which Was In the Report" online, right now, with your eyes, on the digital device you are staring at this minute.

You might think that amazing technology allows me to share this story with you. But you'd be wrong. The majesty of my beard (see below) grants me this power, in league with the machinations of the ever wily Misty Dahl. (Fraternity of Flash)

See, majestic ain't it?

So what are you waiting for, go read "None of Which Was In the Report" ya lazy bum.

For my Academy speech I intend to thank Sam Raimi and Terry Pratchett, which I think you will find apropos upon reading my quirky little story.

Music for the Zombie Apocalypse

You know when the zombie apocalypse happens and you’re forced to transition from a slacker (whose main stress in life is a login error on facebook) to a lean-mean-zombie-fighting machine living off berries and shoe leather in the shattered husk of a skyscraper?

Well you need a soundtrack, and you’d better start thinking about it now because the power grid will eventually go dark. Best to plan ahead and play along.

Ok, so here’s the meme.

Put your music on Shuffle.

The first song is the theme for the Apocalypse.

The second song plays during your first zombie kill.

The third song plays while you’re chased by a Horde.

The fourth song plays while you’re forced to kill your loved one.

The fifth song plays when you find your new love interest.

The sixth song plays when you make your final stand.

The seventh song plays when you (think you) survive.

The eighth song plays when you discove a bite mark on you.


Got it? Have you started yet?

Well, here’s what my soundtrack looks like

     1. (apocalypse theme) Cat Power - The Greatest (this slow and sultry indicates to me that the invasion happens when no one is looking and takes us all by surprise.)

     2. (first kill) Jimmy Eat World - Just Tonight (Oh we just kicked it into high gear! Fight!)

     3. (chased by a horde) James Brown - Super Bad (the juxtaposition of being chased by zombies to a James Brown song needs to be in a movie… NOW)

     4. (kill loved one) Deerhoof – TheGreatCarTomb (if the music is any indication, this will be one surreal scene)

     5. (new love interest) South - Straight Lines to Bad Lands (as if to warn us this isn't going to be a happy ending folks... it's called foreshadowing and it’s not exactly a cutemeet.)

     6. (final stand) Arcade Fire - Black Wave / Bad Vibrations (first lines: “If we can reach the sea, they won’t follow me… we’ll make it if we run.” A natural pick if you ask me.)

     7. (victory!) Postal Service - Be Still My Heart (I imagine standing on the pile of zombie bodies while this triumphant little song of bleeps and computer glitches plays. Plus there’s some foreshadowing if you look for it. FTW!)

     8. (discover bite mark) Voodoo Child - Jimmy Hendrix (PERFECT! brrraaaaiiiiinnnnssssss)

Thanks to Mercedes M. Yardley for passing on this fun meme, go see what plays during her apocalypse.

But first, tell me what yours were!!!!